This is my first time doing anything like this but I feel like I need to try something in order to let things go in my life.
I'm 32 years old, have been married for a year and a half and have two step children (SD-almost 11 yrs old, SS-8 yrs old) and I'm dealing with the craziest biomom I have met in my life. I'll let you know now, biomom is referred to as CB
My husband and I have been together for 6 years and when we met, through work, we were both with other people (he was with CB) . I'm not one to be a home wrecker by any means but there was no getting away from this for me. He was the person I was meant to be with....I will never be able to fully explain it but I couldn't just walk away from it. So to make a long story short, we both left our significant others and were together. To say the least, CB was upset and blamed me...I totally understand this, I would blame me too. But like I said, this isn't something I could just walk away from.
She made life miserable for us for awhile, which I expected.....you will never meet my kids, wouldn't let my husband see them if he didn't give her money, blah blah. We dealt with that for awhile. God that seems like a damn pleasure cruise compared to what I'm dealing with now.
About 2 years in she got a boyfriend and things seemed to get better. We had custody and support through the courts (which my husband took her to court for both bc she would make him feel terrible saying she needed money and whatnot so he went to court to get a support and custody order in place). Through that setup, we had the kids every other weekend and Tuesdays or something like that.
During this time, if you were to ask her what kind of dad my husband was, she would say he's a deadbeat, just a sperm donor, blah blah....this couldn't be further from the truth but she couldn't accept the face that he left her.
Anyway...this is around when she had her first "break down". Around 3 years ago, she called us and said she felt like she couldn't be around the kids; she didn't trust herself and felt like she might hurt them. Of course, we went immediately to get the kids and I took her to a local psych hospital. They said she had panic and anxiety...nothing to note though. The following day my husband and I went to court for him to get immediate emergency custody....courts said no because she hadn't been 302'd..wtf?!?!?!?! anyway we kept the kids for awhile and slowly worked them back into her life.
A year and a half hour, we got married :) It was by far, the best day of my life. The kids were so happy and it was just everything I could ask for and more.
Around this time my husband went to court to try to get more custody but once again the courts failed us and said they didn't want to disrupt the kids schedule. My husband and CB fought in court and were ordered to go to counseling. During the counseling, CB decided it was hurting the kids for them to not see him and they agreed to a 50/50 schedule and since we would have the kids the same amount of time, she would give us back the child support money when she got it.
Things were going fairly well....I use that term loosely bc with CB, you never know when shit will hit the fan. And so it did 7 months ago.
In August 2014, on my birthday to be exact, CB texted my husband to tell him she didn't feel as though she could be around the kids. She said it's not like before, she didn't feel like she would hurt them but she was nervous to be around them because she was having anxiety and panic attacks. She also let us know she went down to court that day and stopped child support...huh? She needed us to come get the kids first thing the next morning, when her boyfriend would be leaving for work. Um....what??? Since then, the kids have been with us. They only go to her house when her boyfriend is there. She has tried doing a few hours alone with them here and there but just last week she was supposed to have some time alone with them and couldn't do it. About a month or so ago, she informed the kids a little bit of what was going on....nothing too detailed but just saying mom is sick wasn't working anymore and we weren't going to lie to them.
Last week, my SD, who is already at that age where the attitude is starting to come out, told my husband and I that she thinks it is our fault the schedule is like this. Excuse me?????? I almost lost my mind....oh wait I need to give a little more background info here:
Clearly, I don't like CB so of course I'm not going to have nice things to say about her but I'm also not going to lie. CB is 100% the most narcissistic person that I have ever encountered. Along with this, she is a pathological liar. She is out for number one and NO ONE else. For appearance sake, the kids have the best of everything...they're spoiled with her. Whatever clothes they want, toys, etc. From an outsider, she looks like a good mom but that could not be further from the truth. We have bent over backwards for her during the past 7 months...following her bf's work schedule, picking them up, dropping them off to her (because for some reason she also cannot drive with the kids either). Now, don't get me wrong, they are his kids too and he needs to do whatever he has to in order to take care of them...that is a definite and I'm not arguing that at all. BUT, we are supposed to have the kids 50/50. We do our part and will do whatever the kids need and we understand they need to not be around her as much right now. But CB is relying on us for EVERYTHING. For example, if something comes up and we can't get the kids from school for whatever reason, my husband and I will contact someone in our families for help....there would have to be no one left on the planet before I would ask her for help. But for her....she contacts us for everything. I can't handle the kids, I can't pick them up from school because I can't drive myself so you pick them up and drop them off to me. But I do need them on this day bc we're doing something with my mom so I need you to drive them there...doesn't matter if we already have plans on that day bc this is CB's world...we just live in it. We put a stop to completely following her bf's schedule....she now only has them on what were "her weeks" when the bf is there. We don't give her any days on "our weeks" bc I cannot live my life by someone else's schedule. She just really has no consideration for anyone else and I cannot put up with it...ok back to the other story...
So my SD said she felt it was our fault she wasn't with her mother as much. This hurt not only because it's not true and we would never intentionally keep her from her mom, but also because in reality, we have done EVERYTHING we could to help for the past 7 months and now this girl is saying it's our fault??? She talked to her mother after and said she understood but it's very clear she still doesn't. She acting up, not listening to me, fooling around in school, etc.
I love these kids and would do everything for them but I'm at the point right now that I'm so miserable with the way things are and I don't know how to get past it. My husband and I have talked about it...many times...too many times. But we are very different in the fact that he can let things roll off his back and I can't (I can't not only with this, but with everything). His view is there is nothing we can do to change the way things are right now so there is no point in getting upset about it because there's nothing we can do. I, however, cannot see things like that. I do feel like there's nothing we can do but I obsess over the fact that she can just get away with this and walk all over us and not put her kids first. This has been going on for 7 MONTHS with no signs of improvement. She still has the panic attacks, anxiety, still can't be alone with the kids, can only drive alone in her neighborhood. She's seeing a therapist and on medication (so she says) but it just seems like there is no end in sight with this and I'm not sure how much more I can take. I feel like I'm just laying down and saying please walk all over me whenever you need.
Also, I hate CB...not a regular oh I can't stand that girl hate...but a I hate you with absolutely every fiber of my being hate. It has completely consumed me...and I'm the only one that can change this but I don't know how.
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